The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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