She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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