my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
