We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
