I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
