just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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