i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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