Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
