This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
