dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
