Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
sarcasm needs its own font
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
