Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I need to align my fucking chakras
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
