I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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