Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
