I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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