I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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