I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
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