I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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