I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
