ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Did I show you my penis last night?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
