After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Randomize
