I want to make a zoo with you.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
