At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
