I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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