I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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