This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
