i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
