I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
he puts the penis in happiness.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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