I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I know her cup size but not her name....
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
