You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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