I can't breathe out the right side of my face
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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