Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
