On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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