So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
