There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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