As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Four minutes until I can fart!
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
