There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
