her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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