I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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