Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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