I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
