No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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