We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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