I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
