its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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