walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
