last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
