The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
