I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
