i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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