I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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