The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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