dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
