Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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