I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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