it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
