i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Randomize
