I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Your penis caused this!
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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