i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
